


Trapped

by Pinx_B (orphan_account)



Category: Love Live! School Idol Project
Genre: Announcements, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, F/F, Fluff, Future Fic, Introspection, Romance, Yuri, last fic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-12-31
Updated: 2018-01-22
Packaged: 2019-02-25 21:21:17
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 2,018
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/13221501
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/Pinx_B
Summary: Eli had always felt suffocated the second she was thrown into an abyss of darkness, she recalled exactly why that was..





	1. Chapter 1

 

 

 

* * *

 

 

 

Under the night sky, surrounded with numerous lamps and her hand squeezing Umi's hand in hers does Eli recount where it started. They're both laying flat on their backs and side to side on the blanket, staring up at the twinkling stars that provided extra light. 

_"It felt like that moment between life & death". _

To anyone else that may have seemed like an exaggeration but Umi knew better. She knew how hard it was to overcome certain doubts & fears, as little as they may seem to those on the outside. Eli's voice was low, soft enough to be heard through the sounds of the night wildlife around them but her words were loud enough for Umi to understand. 

_"In that moment, I froze as hundreds of eyes stared right through me and I thought that this is where my lungs emit their last  breath"._

She could feel the prickling sensation to this day. It was like she was back on that stage as she finished her performance only for all the lights to be diminished & not a sound could be heard in the room. Her younger self was breathless, retaining her final pose whilst waiting for someone to say something, anything. A word of cheery congratulations or a sympathetic phrase of regret, anything to break the deafening silence. 

_"The train of thought that was doubt sprang into my vision"._

Eli exhaled when she said that and Umi could sense the whirlwind of emotions going through her head. To have such pressures exerted on you from a young age, to appease everyone around you, to be brilliant at everything you do; it was mentally & physically exhausting. 

_"Ironically enough, it wasn't as a life line, not as safety, but as a video of reminiscence"._

Of working her fingers and feet to the bone. Hours and hours of working to perfect every move, every pose and every routine. She couldn't be like a normal kid or teen, enjoying life as it happened. No, she had to age faster and outperform everyone else lest she should let her family of over achievers down. The pressure was monumental and was one of many reasons why she grew up to be so cold but Eli knew Umi understood it all. 

_"Stood there with silence, I tried to figure out what I had done wrong and went through it all in my head, image after image, reel after reel"._

Eli turned on her side, Umi doing the same so that they could see each other. Even now, Umi could see the vulnerability etched onto the blonde's gorgeous features as she recounted the story of when she learned that the world wasn't a safe place, that the only reason people treaded carefully around her was because of her family's status. But it did nothing to save her from the exposure of the real world and the critics that lurk within it. 

_"All I could think at that moment was that I had failed and maybe it was for the better because I no longer wanted to feel"._

Umi said her name gently and brushed her cool cheek with the back of her fingers in comfort. The  blonde smiled and held her hand closer against her face, the warmth of her lover helping to override the coldness of the memories. The darkness wasn't so bad with Umi, there was no judgment from her to fear as she provided nothing but love and support to her which made the burdens of Eli's past seem so far away. 

_"I enjoyed what I did but only memories of pain & anguish are the things that I can remember". _

She took a breath in and scooted closer to Umi. Her goal had always been to make her family proud of her, it was something that was engraved into her mind and a hefty price was to be paid for it. Not that it seemed that way to the Ayase family as weaknesses didn't exist therefore Eli could never voice them.  No matter how many tears were shed or how badly her feet bled or how badly her body ached, she had to go on for their approval. 

_"That was no way to live, I somehow understood that and I just wanted those expectation to be gone forever"._

But Eli was nothing if not realistic regardless of her age and she knew her family would never ease up from those requirements. Not without a fight. Losing the ballet competitions simply made them harsher on Eli, spending more time and money to better her as opposed to giving her the love and care that a family is supposed to give. The blonde reveled in that very comfort and love that Umi showered on her in a darkness she once coward from. She figured out that it was the people in the darkness that set the atmosphere of it, to either fear or love it. 

_"For my family, the judges, the schools, I was merely a puppet for their pride and it didn't matter to them how I was tainted"._

Umi tells her that she doesn't have to continue if it's hard for her to talk about but the blonde shakes her head and clasps their hands together. Umi was the kind of light in the darkness that made it easy for Eli to fall into peace with. She made it feel real and free to be able to discuss her life, something she only used to do with Nozomi. Eli could never feel like she was being used or strung along by the woman in front of her, she had proven so countless of times. 

_"In its own twisted way, it was their ambitions that led to nothing left of me to be lifted"._

She knew that the brief enjoyment came from being able to dance all her frustrations out. It was not something she wanted to spend her life doing, she had interests that stemmed far beyond what her family expected of her. It saddened Eli that it took so long for them to understand that and the consequences of their firm views. 

_"At the time there was only hollowness running through my veins"._

Umi could see a brief flash of anger in Eli's eyes under the surrounding lights. She took a quick breath in and moved her head into the crook of Umi's neck and wrapped her arms tightly around her, feeling actual emotions as opposed to how she once was and it still felt surreal. She used to believe it was more practical to remain stoic than ever show anything that could be mistaken for weakness and used against her. Something she perfected since that evening on the stage that might as well have been empty. 

_"It felt like I had no control over me because they took over my mind, they held the reigns"._

With the blonde's breath caressing her neck, Umi could hear the slight stammer in Eli's words and squeezed tighter. She recalled so clearly how firm Eli's features were whenever they crossed paths, how disinterested she was in everything around her. The sharpness in her voice, the coldness in her actions, the vehement opposition to Muse; it all made sense. 

 _"The energy to be strong, do whatever they asked & hold on was exhausting"._ 

It was after forming Muse that Eli truly broke the chains and allowed her past doubts and failures to be buried. She knew she had to break the cycle, at least to make sure that Alisa didn't have to go through the same, that for once in her life she would rebel and rightfully so. Umi could relate on every level with her lover and they both were grateful of Honoka's free spirited nature as none of this would have occurred without her. That was something Umi didn't want to ever imagine and kissed Eli's hair, breathing her in as she continued. 

_"It was difficult to paint a smile on my face to appease their constant chorus of cheerful laughing"._

But the laughter flowed so freely from Eli's mouth now. It was unrestrained, melodious and so beautiful that Umi couldn't get enough of hearing it. Everyone, especially Nozomi, also felt the same rush of warmness to see the blonde be herself. To never feel alone be it in the light of the afternoon sky or the darkness of the evening they were basking in now. 

_"Regardless of that, Umi, it doesn't matter anymore. The fact that we are here, together and with our friends undid the destruction of their doing"._

She said those words softly and kissed Umi's neck as she ran her fingers down her hair and back, each touch used to enunciate what she was feeling. She didn't have to live in that moment of time any longer. Not when she was cuddled up with perfection in her arms, allowing her to feel whatever she wanted and Eli didn't even have to think twice. Whatever occurred in that dark room where her efforts were dismissed over and over meant nothing anymore because she had proved everyone who doubted her wrong. She had a future, she had a woman she would do anything for, she had friends that were the epitome of reliable. 

_"I used to believe it'd always be that way, that nothing could change how I viewed the world and the shadow it could cover you in but it turns out that even darkness does have an ending"._

Moving her head up, Eli locked eyes with Umi's, a lingering smile on both of their faces at Eli's revelations. There wasn't a need to fear whatever was hidden when the world went pitch black and silence enveloped everything. The blonde's hand rested on Umi's cheek as they exchanged so much more with their glances, so much more than words could ever convey about being the natural light to ones being. 

Because Eli realised that if the world plummeted into darkness right then, being afraid was a thing of the past when Umi was with her as she provided the safety net to engulf her in; something that many had failed to do so when she needed them the most. 

When those stage lights went out. 

 


	2. Its been fun :)

 

 

 

Good evening ^^ 

 

To get right to the point, I will no longer be doing fics for LL at all and will orphan all of my works. If it was anything less than 10, I probably wouldn't have bothered to give a warning but that isn't the case and I put a lot of time and effort into writing them. Even though I don't write for the fandom as much, the toxicity and vulgarity that I see within it is unnerving. It really isn't warranted to behave like that, especially towards writers and I've seen a lot of crap, and have received it myself to know the extent 'fans' will go to. 

 

Even I as a person who writes some rather detrimental & disastrous pieces am dumbfounded at the lack of tact & manners some show. Though it's essential to point out that there are plenty of wonderful people that do make up the fandom though sadly, the more ruder readers shine through. The anonymity of the Internet does have its flaws unfortunately. 

 

I could've pulled an asshole move & delete the fics but I wouldn't do that. All of the fics are written as future fics for a reason, the cast as adults over the age 20 because there's plenty of advice and realistic issues within them that I really did write for you all to take in. 

 

Every fandom has its negative, naturally, (yeah I'm looking at you boatfus for Kancolle :v) but given the building popularity of the LL franchise, it is letting the creepy followers in too much. 

 

Anyway, thanks to everyone that has subbed, followed and enjoyed what I've written! Like I said, I've met a few delightful individuals and I have loved conversing with you all via the comments so it isn't all doom and gloom :) please keep yourselves well and don't hesitate to  remain in contact through my details on the bio. 

 

Take care! 

 

**Author's Note:**

> Happy New Year! ^^
> 
>  
> 
> (The irony of the word count being that :L)


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